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As a result I'm unhappy and we're both left frustrated. I'm grateful for the FLR movement. I'm hoping I can convince him to embrace his submissive nature rather than him continuing to try to stifle it.

I can't take much more of this split-personality he's exhibiting. Hopefully Jessica will find time to reply but I will answer with my own thoughts.

The masculine trait that you want to encourage in your husband is to be the ultimate gentleman as opposed to the macho egoist.

A gentleman doesn't need to be in charge. Ask him to do manly things on your behalf. Frame your marriage in those terms and see how he reacts.

My lady doesn't like the phrase Female Led Relationship, but she does like the phrase 'structured, negotiated relationship' and enjoys having a vote and a half when she wants it.

We try not to let words get in the way of what we are building. The biggest things our friends see is that my lady's happiness is a priority for me and that her opinions are very important to me.

In public, I tend to shoot for 'doting' or 'devoted husband' rather than 'hen-pecked. In terms of "finding" a submissive guy I am not sure there is any one "place", though I do think some spots are more likely than others.

I am in happy possession of a very submissive fellow and part of my reason for writing this post is to reflect back a bit on how exactly that wonderful outcome occurred.

Perhaps some of my reflections will be of use to other ladies. I hope so. First I think I have to acknowledge that I was by no means always after a submissive fellow.

In fact, even at the time I connected with my current spouse I am not sure I realized what was happening.

Much of this is from a retrospective point of view. Much of my early dating did not involve submissive guys at all.

That, in fact, can be a bit of a "tender spot" for my husband now as he knows his "type" is not what I always sought - at all. Early on I dated some "tough guys" - more "traditional" manly men.

It is not that my husband is not "manly" - more that we more me than him have redefined our definition of manly. Ironically, I met my husband in an office, where, I guess not surprisingly, he had a position that was subordinate to mine - though I was not his direct boss.

He was in some ways quite contrary to many of whom I had dated in college and beyond. He was quite shy and not at all aggressive sexually though I could tell he was enamored with me.

He did not have the "alpha" type persona I was more used to with males. He was, no doubt, heterosexual but the arrogance, the aggression, the self focus was not there.

Again, I'd be dishonest if I did not admit I did and still do like some of those more "traditional" male qualities at times.

It was at times nice to have a "strong man" pick me up and tell me our plans for the evening. Joe pseudonym was a bit "softer" than that.

Again, much of this comes from "looking back" but now I realize - he rarely argued and frequently took explicit direction from me - even if I was asking him to do something distasteful - score!

To be honest, then, I did not even really think fully in terms of "dominance" and "submissiveness". But I did know it felt right. Even now, I might still, occasionally, fantasize just a bit about a more "macho man" - but it is only fantasy.

I LOVE having a submissive husband. Love it! I know he loves me being in charge as well. He cannot always openly express it as in front of others it can be hard at times still as I am fairly "public" in my leadership.

I hope to post later about the "public vs. So to ladies who are still unhinged and looking for a good submissive mate. Don't look in bars!!

Just kidding, I guess you could, in theory, find one almost anywhere. But to me the best advice is just look around your world - your place of work, your neighborhood, your past.

Who are the ones who are just a bit more deferential, shy, even a bit 'timid' with you. Basic submissive training involves men learning the proper way to do the simple tasks that their wives demand, such as housework.

For a husband to be truly submissive, not only does he complete the tasks that his wife demands, he must do them in a way that meets her high standards.

Often times the wife will assign tasks with complex instructions just to see how attentive her husband is. If her standards are not met, she will punish her husband and demand he complete the task properly.

Punishment can include anything from doing the task over and over again many times to reinforce the proper way to do it, to verbal and physical reprimands.

Submissive training often works best when the punishment fits the crime, however, and most punishments will seek to reinforce correct behavior. Another level of submissive training is attitude and obedience training.

While these men desire submission, many are not always completely ready for the emotional and psychological demands it can place on them.

If the submissive husband has a bad attitude, is insubordinate, talks back, acts out or otherwise isn't submitting mentally, his Dominant wife may use training methods to change his mental attitude.

This includes things such as verbal humiliation, or washing his mouth out with soap. The most intense submissive husband training that is used by many couples can include things like chastity belts for men, strapon training, and denial.

These methods seek to change the motivations of the men. Once a man has become a submissive husband, his needs are secondary to hers.

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We agree on some things; we disagree on others. Certainly submission does not mean going against what I believe is right or moral. And submission absolutely does not mean a woman should overlook abuse either of herself or her children.

I believe that he is the head of the house and I respect his leadership role. So, despite what many people think, submission for me is not so hard.

The life of a submissive wife is a daily reality for many Christian couples. In fact, our traditional roles and Christian values have led to a great sex life.

In fact, in 1 Corinthians , God says that husbands and wives should not withhold their bodies from each other. Sexual intimacy is a mutually-shared endeavor, where both the husband and wife bear responsibility.

And orgasms feel really, really good. Odds are that because the clitoris is a bit less predictable than the penis, your husband is going to need your help in understanding what it is going to take to make you climax.

Rule 2: Thinking Time every day. Rule 4: Will enthusiastically try new ideas as directed to improve submission. Rule 3: Offer a full domestic service for the house.

Rule 5: No discussions including finances! About Me Name: husbandsubmission View my complete profile.

I never thought I would be enamored with a woman who would be considered bossy or high-maintenance, but now I love having an absolute Queen for a wife!

My wife told me that if something happened to me, if she did end up in a relationship again, it would only be with a man who was submissive and deferential to her.

I typically come up as a golden retriever-type supportive, loyal and optimistic in personality tests, while my wife rates out as a Lion and Beaver goal-oriented, decisive, practical and detail-oriented , so we became very compatible with each other once I got my ego out of the way.

Thank you for the wonderful blog, Jessica! Warm regards, Scott. Great post Jessica. I just wanted to add that it is possible to find a submissive man on-line.

Instead, I said that I was looking for a strong woman who knew her own mind. I also said, "Bonus points if you are choleric.

They are often leaders and value short-term, tangible results. My lady, whom I met on that website, was touched that I was looking for those very traits that had been so often maligned in her.

She is a terrific leader who is learning her own strength. Dating websites aren't for everybody and they have their challenges, but there are submissive men like me fishing for dominant women in plain site.

We just use subtle bait. Dear Ask She Says, Thank you for that and I expect the knowledge of "on line options" will be useful to many.

Though technology has some limits I think one of the great things is that people can feel comfortable sharing some of their deeper selves more easily in the beginning.

Thank you! Based on another comment that indicated we the husbands in a FLM are feminine I am like a Knight for my wife, I do anything for her, and I am all but feminine.

She makes the decisions at home on everything, but she still will ask for my opinion, She is really smart and I know I can count on all going well as she is in charge.

I still could try to take her out on a date that I come up with the idea, but she has the last word if she wants to go there or not.

She has accepted me taking her out, but has changed where we go. I don't care as long as she is happy, as that if my goal as a husband.

She she is more assertive than I am and she knows has told me she can twist my arm easily anytime. I love being under her spell, I am very happy to be her husband and do her will.

Where in all that you got the idea that I am feminine? She wouldn't be with me if I was. My husband wants to be submissive but is extremely socially conscious, and feels it is his duty to embody traditionally "masculine" traits.

As a result I'm unhappy and we're both left frustrated. I'm grateful for the FLR movement.

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5 Ways A Submissive Can Help Their Dominant - Discovering Dominance #3 - Dom/Sub Relationships

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